Some Things I've Been Learning... Part Two

Okay... I couldn't wait. I need to write more NOW! LOL

Another big thing God has been impressing upon my heart is the fact that I don't truly feel His unconditional love. I come from a household where love was very conditional -- or, so it seemed. I was always striving to be "good enough" (and this is is still a major sore spot for me!).

My dad left us when I was 9 years old... we still got to seem him on a regular basis, but I've lived with insecurity and "abandonment issues" for 20 years now. :-? It's hard for me to believe in a love that is unchanging.

Don't get me wrong -- I do believe in God's unchanging love, but I tend to go through periods of doubt. It's like that verse in the Gospel of Mark where the father says, "I do believe -- help, Thou, my unbelief!"

Our church secretary said it perfectly... "So many people go to Bible studies, and sit in the pews every Sunday listening to sermons, and they have the knowledge, in their heads, that God loves them... but they don't have the HEART-knowledge. They haven't internalized it."

This is me.

After hearing her say this, I realized that I need to work on this. I need to pray for God to remove whatever "walls" seem to be standing in the way of this knowledge getting from my head to my heart. So, I sought out a Christian bookseller friend, and asked for recommendations, and then I bought John Ortberg's book, "Love Beyond Reason". I'm in the process of reading it. ;o)

Since I was a little girl, I've been brought up in the Christian faith. I've always gone to church, and I've gone to Sunday School, and I've had Christian family spouting theology at me, and I've even been through Christian elementary- and high-schools! So, it's not like I don't KNOW this stuff! LOL. But, it's never gotten through to my heart. I'm baffled by this, and I'm curious as to how it couldn't get through.

But, anyway. That's just one more thing that God's got to work on with me. :-?

In Beth Moore's new book, "Get Out of That Pit!", (and, yes, I'll be quoting her a lot, as she's really grown my faith through the studies of her's that I've done in the last few years!) she wrote:

"...if we're willing to let truth speak louder than our feelings, and long enough that our feelings finally agree, we can be far more than okay. We can be delivered..."

This was so powerful that it brought tears to my eyes. This is just the kind of thing -- the kind of TRUTH -- that I needed to hear someone say. That it's okay to "fake it 'til you make it"! LOL :-?

She also says (in "Breaking Free"):

"You can CHOOSE to submit to Christ's authority out of belief and obedience rather than emotion."

Again, she encourages the "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy! LOL And, I think you can. I think that, if you do a thing long enough, it may be hard & unnatural at first, but eventually it becomes second-nature to you. You can do it without giving it a second thought.

Now, it's just a matter of actually DOING these things, instead of just talking about them, or thinking about them!

Speaking of doing things until they become second-nature, God has also told me lately that I can lean on Him and He will teach me how to change my responses. When I'm tempted to overeat, I don't have to act the same way I've always done. I can ask God for a NEW response! And, eventually, if I implement these "new responses" for long enough, I'll have formed new habits. ;o)