Believing a lie

I discovered, a while back, that I feel unfulfilled. I lack true 'sastifaction'. Sure - I realize that I am VERY blessed to be where I am, and to have what I do. But something is still missing. And I know, now, what that is: it's faith.

Don't get me wrong! I have faith. But, it's weak. I believe in God, but I have trouble actively believing God. I constantly doubt Him: His love, His acceptance of me, His care, His plans for me...

It's all a lie! In her book, "Believing God", Beth Moore says:

"Satan, posing as the serpent, couldn't keep Eve from believing in God, so he did the next best thing. He baited her, tempting Eve not to believe God or trust His motives."

There are a multitude of verses, though, that refute these lies!

Jeremiah 31:3 - God loves me...
Romans 15:7 - ...and accepts me
Isaiah 43:10 - I am chosen by God
Jeremiah 29:11 - God has "good plans" for me
1 Peter 5:7 - God cares for me

So, if there are verses to help lay my doubts aside, why do I still have an issue here? It must be that I doubt... the Bible! :-(

Do I believe the Bible? Absolutely! I believe it's God-breathed and God-inspired TRUTH! But...

... Do I believe it is "truth" for me? Ah... herein lies the issue. I can so easily accept the Bible's truths as they apply to other people. But, when it comes to believing them for myself, I falter. I want to! Oh, how I want to! But, for some strange reason, I struggle to do so.

And, I believe I've discovered the "root" of all of my "issues"... I've done up two different "flow-charts" to explain...

This one is of my trouble "believing God"... the ROOT is my unbelief.

(click the picture to enlarge it)

This one shows the natural consequences, were I to be "SECURE" in God's love & acceptance of me! :o)

(click the picture to enlarge it)

See the HUGE difference?? It's amazing!

In the first picture/chart, it's a self-defeating cycle... it should almost be in a circle, as it just repeats on itself.

But in the second picture/chart, there's a natural outflow of love that just keeps going forward... doesn't get "stuck" somewhere along the way. ;o)

I am praying for a heart change... for God to allow me to accept that His Word is true, even for me (maybe *especially* for me!), and for God to help me feel secure in His love & acceptance of me.

Knowledge Overflow!

God is just washing me in Truth, lately! I'm so blown away!

This past week, in my "Breaking Free" (Beth Moore) Bible study homework, I learned all about God's unfailing love. And, it hit me as a breath of fresh air! I am starting to begin to really believe that God does love me! :o) The real "kicker" was when Beth said that refusing to believe God loves us is a "slap in the face" to Him... because we're taking His Word and basically saying, "Yeah right... that's not true." :-O

She also said something that I'm treasuring:
"Belief is NOT a feeling; it's a CHOICE."

Whoa. That just got me.

So often I complain to God saying, "But I just don't *feel* it... I don't *feel* like I love You, though I desperately WANT to!" Here He's saying, "You don't have to feel it... just CHOOSE to believe it!"

The same thing works for issues of trust, I'm sure. We may not FEEL like we can trust God, but if we just CHOOSE to trust Him, overriding our feelings, we will be walking in obedience, and we'll be blessed for it! Whoohoo!

Today I started rereading the Thin Within book. God showed me that He wants me to go back through it, only this time He wants me to take notes as I read. I'm to jot down what stands out for me, and my feelings about those particular passages. So, I've done the Introduction and Chapter One already. And, God's already revealed some things to me!

For instance, on page xiv of the book it says, "You will learn to make food choices based not only on what tastes good, but on what is excellent in the eyes of God." In my first go-'round with TW, I chose to really focus on the "everything is permissible" part of 1 Corinthians 6:12. I also completely ignored the "but not everything is beneficial" part.

Also, sort of related to the previous "revelation", there was one related to Key #5: "Eat and drink the food & beverages my body enjoys". In the beginning of following TW, I would choose the food and beverages that my MIND enjoyed, but ignored how those foods made my body feel afterward. I dabbled in being conscious of how foods made me feel briefly, about 7 months ago. But, I let that go, as I did with almost all of the rest of the principles.

And the last example would be where the TW book warns not to let what they say become a set of "rules" for us to follow, by which we judge ourselves 'good' or 'bad'. Well, I did just that! I turned TW into another "diet", rigidly adhering to the principles, and scorning anyone's "advice" to the contrary. As a result, I maybe ate too little at times, and I wasn't really being "intuitive". I wasn't listening to my body -- I was listening to "rules".

So, a fresh start today! I've observed... now I need to "correct". Or, better yet, how about we let GOD "correct". ;o)